just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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