the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
