I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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