Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize