But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
