My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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