If that was your dad, he is hot
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
