My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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