I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
