i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
