You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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