i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize