very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
