Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
