um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize