He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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