We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
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