did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
