Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Shitshow foam night was such a success
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
