That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
In America we eat man semen.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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