Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Pooping to opera.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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