I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I supernannyed him into submission
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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