You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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