Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Randomize
