yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
