There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
