Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
