he shaved USA in his pubs
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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