You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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