i just had sex bonerless
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
