your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
