i'm signing you up for texting rehab
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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