I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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