it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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