is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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