They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
