Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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