They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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