I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
