Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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