A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
