Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize