So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
