READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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