Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
