We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
