i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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