So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
