I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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