it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i need some magic done to my vagina
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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