Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
