I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
