$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
