I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
