youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
