Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
