Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
