smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
