So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
