he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
