I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
