If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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