It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
