We won't sleep together?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
