We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
