I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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