I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
