Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
