We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
