five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
