He asked me if I "almost moaned"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
